You would think that I would have learned by now that things don’t happen in “my” timing, but that they happen in “God’s” timing. And given that I am human, and thus have human expectations, things often don’t happen in the timing that I expect. It stands to reason that this would be true, and I consider myself to be a logical and practical person, a reasonable person if you will. Yet I still find myself setting expectations and then the delays seem to catch me by surprise.
It seems even more so that as a missionary I often mistake walking in obedience to God’s direction with understanding His timing. I assume, which is always a dangerous thing to do, that if I am following in obedience to what He has directed me that the timing I expect is an expectation put there by Him. That is not the case.
It is there that my frustration breeds from. However, my frustration is not with God, from God, or because of God. My frustration is due to my own expectations, which originated with me, not with God. This doesn’t just apply to the big life decisions, but in the little things as well.
When I moved here I expected that I would learn Spanish quickly, because of immersion in the language, and that I would be at a conversational level within 6 months. I have lived here for about 17 months now, and though my Spanish is continuing to improve daily, I am not even at that level that I originally expected to be after only 6 months. At times I have gotten frustrated by that, but God knew that’s how it would be.
When I came back to Nicaragua on April 20th, after a month in the US raising support and visiting family, I was excited and motivated to begin a new season of ministry with a revised focus. I had a desire to connect more with women’s ministries and with the library in Pantanal. The two women’s studies that I was primarily looking forward to getting involved with were both delayed, one until 3 weeks ago. My first day volunteering with the library in Pantanal is tomorrow. I have been frustrated at times over the last several months because I expected things to move faster, but God knew exactly how it would be.
My desires for these things — learning Spanish & serving in new capacities in the community, are from God. They are in obedience to the plan that the Lord has laid before me. But my expectations of their timing and what they would look like when they did happen were my own. That is where my frustration was coming from.
I challenge you to look at the areas in your life where you may feel frustrated with God and feel like He is not coming through even though you are stepping out in obedience. Your frustration may even cause you to question whether you understood his direction in the first place. (I know that has happened to me at times!) I challenge you to admit that frustration to yourself.
I further challenge you to consider that your frustration may be coming from your own expectations that you “tagged” onto God’s directions. Once you realize that the frustration comes from something that you created, you realize that you have the power to let it go.
Things out here on the mission field seldom happen as quickly as I would like. They don’t usually look like what I think they will look like. But God is doing amazing things here in Granada, and if I step back from my expectations and let go of my frustrations, I catch a glimpse of that and I’m overwhelmed by what a blessing it is to be a part of it all.
Kristin, prayers continue for you each day. I understand your frustration as l know you want to accomplish much as quickly as possible. Hang on, because God has everything in His Control. You take care and we will keep praying!
Love U and think of U so often, Pam
Thanks! You support and prayers mean so much.
When you finally “get it” please let me know! This has been a very difficult season in my life that I feel, “ok God, haven’t I suffered enough, haven’t I learned enough, haven’t I tried enough to be obedient to You”, followed by feeling of complete inadequacy, “when will I ever not have a struggle with sin…the same sin, none the less.” It is hard to wait, it is hard to trust in God’s timing. Everyday I have to learn, and re-learn that it HIS doing in me that is important not my wanting “my doing” to count. I fall back on His grace and then I can rest when I truly understand, it’s all grace, His grace, His mercy, His story.
Thanks Kristin for sharing your story and your hope!
Kristen, thank you for being so real in sharing with us. I,too, relate to the frustration of God’s timing but continue to try to trust that He is working His best in me especially in these times. I want to tell you that during my recent trip to Haiti, our group went to a women’s prison. We brought bread to give to the women and shared in a worship service with them. It was hard to be there that one time and I thought of you and how you regularly minister to the women in prison. I wonder how you do it but then I know that, though hard for you too,- God equips you to love them. I ‘m praying for you and for God’s work in and through you.
Thank you so much for writing this! It is something that I really needed to hear. I look forward to seeing you in less than a month!
Thank you Kristin for your sharing, your challenge and your perseverance. I, too, start second guessing myself, am I following the Lord’s wishes when outcomes are different than I expect or there is no evident outcome at all? Faith and prayer and humility all come into play. I keep trying and praying for guidance and patience. Praying for your in your mission.