It has been 2 months since my last blog post. Things got busy and I kept meaning to write a blog, and even started a few, but just never got it done.
I’m sad to say that it took something heartbreaking to inspire this blog and that is the place I am writing from tonight. It’s interesting to me how some things have much more of an impact on us than we expect and then trigger so many other thoughts and emotions . . . and then out of that comes clarity and a realization of truth from the Lord. At least that is how it seems to happen for me, so this is the place that I write this blog from tonight.
When you are training to be a missionary, you try your best to prepare yourself for the fact that you will miss things while you are away. I have always known that I would not be able to be a part of everything, though technology has allowed for me to be a part of more than I ever imagined. However, through this process I always tended to think more about the good things that I would miss instead of the bad . . . because who really misses missing the bad, right?
Since I’ve been serving in the field, either on the World Race in 2012 or in the 10 months that I have lived here in Nicaragua, I have missed quite a few things. I have missed birthdays, family wedding celebrations, holiday events, the birth of my best friend’s first child, and countless other joyous occasions that I would have loved to have been a part of. Somehow that has all been easier than I expected because I know that the Lord has a purpose for having me here and the joy in that makes any sacrifice worth it for me. However, I have discovered over the past few days that it is much harder to miss the bad things. My oldest friend’s father passed away this morning. She has been dealing with so much these past few days, and is in so much pain right now, and what I want to do more than anything is to give her a big hug . . . But I can’t do that. I can’t be there for her the way that I want to be and that is hard. It is heartbreaking.
I know without a doubt that I am where the Lord has purposed for me to be. However, as I strive to love others well as the Lord has commanded, it is difficult to feel like I can’t do the same for those that I love at home. I am serving those that the Lord has called me to, but that is preventing me from serving my friend when I feel that she needs it the most. That is what is heartbreaking.
When I went to the Lord for answers about this tonight, He clearly spoke truth into my heart that I am his and that I am called to serve him and through that others are best served. Maybe they aren’t served directly by me in the way that I think is best, but His plan is always what is best. This is the truth that He spoke.
In the end, sometimes I’m just not there. For the good things, or the bad things, I’m just not there . . . and it’s okay. God is there for all things. He is there for those that I love and He is there for me. God is there.
